Mad World
by psycho pixie
Summary: It's so hard, being a depraved mass-murdering demon with a crush. Poor baby. NK


She should love the hanyou, and none can question it.

He doesn't blame her for it; more often than not, you can't choose who you love. She was born with a bad lot in life – loving a pathetic half-demon happens to be in her blood. Kikyo loved him before she did, and Kikyo will probably love him long after she's gone. He didn't think a clay shell filled with hate was capable of love... he wonders if it's love, or simply need. Perhaps a yearning for something familiar, a part of who she used to be.

He wishes Onigumo would let him kill her.

You can't choose who you love.

Perhaps that's why he has this problem now. He is not Onigumo... but he was. And she is not Kikyo... but she was. They are simply the next chapter of this doomed façade.

It's predestined, he supposes. There's probably no way around it; he suspects that it's an automatic consequence. Because damn it, this feels like punishment.

She is not equal to him; she is not special to him. She is a weak human who has powers that she cannot control, and perhaps that makes her more dangerous than Kikyo ever was.

Perhaps.

Sometimes when she's around him – when it's really him, and not merely one of his puppets – she invades his mind and clouds his judgment. She makes it hard for him to stay to the original plan, because _so many times_, he could have killed them all. He should have, in fact. But if he kills her, he can't play the game anymore, and lately he has begun to wonder if this is even _about_ the shards anymore, rather than the game he plays with them.

But he merely toys with them for now... when it gets down to the push and shove, he has no doubt that he'll kill her.

He's sure Onigumo will allow him to kill her. She means nothing to him. And Onigumo surely desires the jewel as much as he himself does – for different reasons, no doubt. He'd like nothing more than to rid himself of the thief and his meddlesome heart for good, and become a true demon rather than this pitiful balance. He has weaknesses as a hanyou; _annoying _weaknesses and inconvenient ones. Once a month, he is vulnerable to attack. Once a month, he must expel all that makes him what he is, all that holds him together, and fine-tune himself. And while he returns stronger each time, he simply can't afford the weakness. He can't afford to be weak and defenseless, even if it's only for a short time.

Once he has the jewel, he has every intent of becoming a true demon. And then there will be no more vulnerabilities, no more weak spots, no more _Onigumo_, for God's sake, none of it.

Without Onigumo, he's certain that the brat priestess will be no problem – or her reincarnate. It is because of Onigumo that he even notices her, and without him – without that attachment to Kikyo – he can't imagine her lingering in his mind for much longer. Surely she'll vanish.

Until then, he supposes he'll have to suffer it.

And he doesn't like to suffer _anything_. Ever. Period.

Especially not the likes of _her._

He clenches his fists, and for one moment considers expelling Onigumo simply so he can beat the living, breathing shit out of him. But the last time he let the fool go, he wandered off causing trouble simply by being his annoying self. But that's no surprise; this _is _the human stupid enough to give his body to demons for a _woman_. A priestess, no less. If he was going to sacrifice his body, he ought to have done it for a woman who wouldn't reject him at every turn. Before the fire, it wouldn't have been hard for Onigumo to woo a woman anyways. But no, it had to be a priestess – the priestess who had the ability to purify evil. Which meant virginal. Which meant, _not in a million years_.

Stupid, stupid human.

Kagura suspects something. It's not through anything he's said or done; it's merely an unfortunate side-effect of creating her from his own flesh. Unlike Kanna, the wind witch tends to look deeper than she should, and the fact that she dares hold suspicions like these are simply more proof that she doesn't fear him _nearly _as much as she should. He's seen the suspicious, curious looks that she gives the young priestess, the way a child looks at a puzzle as they try to fit the pieces together.

He considered taking her eyes from her after that, but a blind creation is a useless one, and he has refrained this far.

Sometimes he wonders, though. About _her_. When he is at the mercy of his many demons, and can do nothing but think. He thinks, _she's not Kikyo. Surely she's not foolish enough to love _him.

Sometimes he thinks, _of course she is. It was Kikyo's destiny, and no doubt it will be hers as well._

Sometimes he thinks, _she loves the hanyou. Of course she does. But which one?_

He knows that's a silly, indulgent, _human _idea. He doesn't normally allow himself to be that easily distracted by a passing daydream, though. It's just that, after all: a daydream, and only one that he has when he isn't really in his right mind.

It won't be a problem for long. Everyone has their bouts of insanity, and while he's admittedly had more than his share, this is simply a passing phase. Once Onigumo is gone, and every inch of him is full demon, she will mean nothing to him and he'll be able to rid himself of both her and Kikyo.

Until then, he can't choose who he loves.

...._So what think y'all? If you like, I've got another chapter or two in mind if I choose to make this a small chaptered fic. And I might have enough of _Ariels _to post by Monday, maybe, yay!_

_RR, plzthnx... You know I'm a whore for it._


End file.
